Pants Harmful to the Environment

Those Scots had it right all along! In a report published today in the Journal of Climate Change, scientists found that climate change is dramatically slowed in the remote areas of Scotland where the kilt is still worn regularly instead of trousers.

"Accounting for all of the differences in terrain, prevailing weather patterns, and historic fossil fuel usage," reported lead climatologist, Dr. Clarence McLeod, "the only causal factor that remained was the lack of pants worn in the region." The scientists compared 42 different regions that shared many similar characteristics like latitude, altitude, and population density and found that the kilt-wearing areas (of which there were 2 in the study) had the lowest change in historic temperature in the last 200 years and the lowest production of GHG (green house gases).

Clearly, it was more than the wearer's loins that were being cooled in these areas. Further modelling will be done with this study's massive data set. Scientists hope to be able to determine whether kilt-wearing is powerful enough to reverse the effects of climate change. The potential for the mass adoption of the pleated garment in areas most at risk is being considered.

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